The Tree of Life

The last few months have been a whirlwind.  Thinking of my daughter as a new mother brought all kinds of new emotions into my life.  With my mom, not doing too well it became pretty tricky trying to deal with it all.  I think one of the most challenging times, was being down in Maryland.  While feeding my new grandson, I got a call my mom was brought to the hospital.  I heard a quote that went something like if you are going through a lot of losses, think of a tree.  Think of the leaves they lose, and then spring brings new growth and renewal.  So, looking forward to Spring, I thought that might help.  I started thinking of my roots and my foundation and how strong that makes me.  I went to bed thinking I was really strong.  Then the next day life slapped me in the face.  Every aspect I was going through, more loss then I care to talk about.  I couldn't really take it, and I  felt weaker then ever.  And, I realized I am not a tree, I am human.  If I was a tree at that point, I was a weeping willow who's boughs were breaking instead of bending.  I woke up feeling I needed to let it all out.   Here is what I wrote:  

Can’t you see

I am me

and not a tree

I need love

peace-like dove

and not above

I need space

with pretty lace

to save face

I need time

to call mine

and all is fine

I need family

to be me

can’t you see?

I need rest

to be my best

or I am a mess

I need kindness

I need patience

I need goodness

I need hope

I have feelings

I am human

I need water and

nutrients from the

dirt like a tree

But, can’t you see?

I am not a tree.

I need to be needed

and to feel free

It is a push and pull

an up and a down

it is life as it goes around

Can’t you see…….I am not a tree

I am just a girl who wants to be loved

But, if love and goodness is wrong

I don’t want to be right

I want to see the light

Every night will bring darkness but 

with each new day

dawn breaks with light

some with clouds, rain, wind or snow

some with blue skies full of sunshine

each day no matter is still the same

because I need to see the light

It may be too bright 

to see the truth

but with each day comes the night.

Woah!  I have had times where I may have thoughts racing through my head.  But, I never wrote them down.  It felt great, and I felt so much lighter!  It was like having a good conversation with a friend, but I was by myself.  So, during this time I suggest writing, as a way  to deal with the pandemic.  I was happy to watch Jersey 4 Jersey last night.  Bon Jovi was able to write a song already, and it was beautiful  Probably one of the best sung last night, because it was so revelant.  And, the ending of the show with Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes with Better Days could't have been more appropriate.  

I also painted the Tree of Life from Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom.  I will put it in the scrapbook of Disney memories I am making for my daughter.  Again, it gave me time to appreciate all the time we have had together.  Experiencing the Tree of Life with my daughter was such a treat.  We had so much fun discovering all the different animals carved into the tree.  I wondered a lot about it, and yesterday I read a lot about it.  There are more then 300 animals carved into it.   The tree took eighteen months to make,

Nothing is real, except they made the leaves to blow in the wind and it is totally hurricane proof.  I enjoyed visiting many you tube videos yesterday for Earth day, too.  So, another suggestion is if you are missing the outdoors, it is only a click away.  Visit it virtually.

Quote of the Day:  “The nuns taught us there were two ways through life - the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow.” 
― Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

Song of the Day:  Bon Jovi: When You Can't Do What You Do:  You Do What You Can