How do you look up, when you are feeling down. I will be writing about this from now until Christmas. I grew up in a house that sometimes was a giant contradiction of itself. And, sometimes that is a hard way to live. Because, where the house was (it's been torn down) it was located in the most beautiful town I have visited let alone lived in. So, how do you complain when things aren't going your way? I think most of my life, I have been in survival mode. We traveled a lot as a child. And, I always felt the need to travel when I was working full time. We would book a flight the last day I worked and we would get home the last possible minute I would have to be back at work. I would not have done anything differently. Except being home with covid definitely gave me a chance to get out of survival mode. And, I wrote it all in a post on the first day of this year. Which is remarkable. I talked about not going on a diet. I had gained covid weight already. I am an emotional eater. I was eating a lot of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, cake and cookies. I was comforting myself and I was totally fine with it. Because for the first time, yes really the first time, I was looking out for myself. That's right. For the first time, I was thinking about me. I have been on this journey of self discovery for a long time. Weight Watchers is a great program. Because, it is not only about your body, it is mostly about your mind. And, I have been at it for so long. I don't really need a scale. I can tell by what I have eaten that week, what I would weigh. It is much easier to do that while there are not hormones at play. And, that was the hardest time in my life to keep in balance. As I child I never had to worry about my weight. It was just the opposite. It only happened when I started hormones to try to get pregnant. My doctor told me to lose ten pounds to start some fertility medicines. I had no problem doing that. After, my children I worked really hard with a gym membership with child care to lose the baby weight. But, when I started working full time I started a whole new language with myself. And, that was have the cookie for breakfast......"You deserve it". Have the dessert every night while you are on vacation......"you deserve it". Have that chocolate martini every time you go to Atlantic City to unwind...."you deserve it". Well, the best diet I have been on this year, hasn't really been a diet. In June when my life changed forever, I lost my appetite. I have lost about twenty pounds without really trying. I started back on weight watchers, because I want to keep an eye on myself. But, since I started working again, it is really hard to get into a routine. I don't look at what I eat, I just try to figure out what to eat that is convenient. So, the bottom line with food for me and self care, I have to be careful. It is up to me now and I am in total control of when and what I eat each day. And, I have to say it is a lot like when I was a teenager. If I could eat at McDonald's every day I would. And, having a food court next to where I work is a big challenge also. But, the real key is water intake. I really can go for a eight hour shift and not be thirsty or have an appetite. But, I know my mind will get foggy and I really need to sit for awhile. So, I will be happy to have a slice a pizza and a large coca cola, and I am good for the day! So, my self care has to be to find a balance and get some more healthy food in me. It's Sunday, so I will try to plan out some healthy and convenient choices for myself. So self care is being kind to yourself, and knowing how it can sometimes backfire by having some kind of consequence. It's about choices and being in control, but making sure the outcome is a benefit. I also am learning more and more about inflammation as I get older. I think it is really important to not blame getting older on our aches and pain. A lot of it is inflammation, and I find the less weight I carry the less my ankles will swell etc.
Quote of the Day: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
—Ernestine Ulmer One retreat I went to in 2007 we were served dessert first at dinner and it was a chocolate and peanut butter cake ( heaven for me)
Song of the Day:
Bruce Springsteen Be True The first step to take while on weight watchers is tracking or journaling to find out what you eat each day. The most important part is to be honest with yourself. And, figure out the changes needed to make a more healthy you. The program they have now is the most personal one ever. It is also based on a book called "The Shift". As much as I want to read, I feel personally my life is a total "Shift" right now. I am living the "Shift" out of life right now! And, slowly I am moving on and out of survival mode. Survival mode is a horrible way to live. It is as if every decision you make your life depends on it. As I am in my sixties now, I want to feel like I have already done the work and know good choices. And, just keep making good choices for my health to live a better future. It is that simple and it is, now, nice to look at life like that. Survival mode is like running through a jungle and not know what is going to jump out at you ALL the time! The other part of your relationship with food is you do NEED it to survive.
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