Fairy Tale Trail

I am in la la land. I am just living life in a complete fantasy land. Why are you writing as if you are living a fairy tale and you clearly are not......I have been asked. These are thoughts that come to mind about my writing. I am trying to come to terms with that little four year old me. Is it wrong to believe in someone or something so much? I think not. When it is all said and done. It is the belief system I grew up with at an early age. It is not so much believing in myself, but my belief in God and most of all goodness. I am going to share with you why I write. I can go back and it gives me a feeling of foreshadowing. It is as I if I know something is going to happen and I don't know what it is. It is fascinating. What I am going to share is what I wrote the week before the shit hit the fan. The shit that took down a thirty nine year marriage. If you are reading this and think I will give you the details....that is NEVER going to happen. I like la la land.....I don't like bullshit! I don't like talking about it, and most of all I am SO sick of thinking about it! So here it is taken from I post I drafted in early June and didn't have the guts to post how I was feeling: With all the negativity in the world, imagine there is a tiny little world of habitats for fairies. All built out of natural elements. I loved getting my excercise in by walking this trail. I will share more in my stories of the trail. I am on a path to nowhere right now. It is mainly a path of broken glass. I finished my blue and white project by leaving a blue and white fairy box with some notes for passerbys. The front had a trail of decorated seaglass up to it. I heard the song "Walking on Broken Glass" on the way there on my car radio Yesterday made me realize how no matter what your trail (or past) is made of, it gets rocky from time to time. Or, all of sudden you are faced with a boulder. I am at a stand still of facing the hugest boulder in my life. I thought I could get through this unharmed and unhurt. Because, I have time to deal with all of this, and not just push it aside. Well, this isn't true it is rolling towards me quicker and quicker. And, it is set to hurt me and could even destroy me. I am trying to do everything right, but do you think a boulder cares? No, it is a giant rock, with no feelings for me at all. So, yesterday I left a part of me there at the trail. The Pollyanna me who imagines that there is no one out there who would want to hurt me. No, I am only hurting myself believing that. Well, reality is setting in. Some peoples egos will do anything to not own their own problems. They will do anything in their power to blame someone else. So, I face another day, and want it to be a good one. So, I will go on not getting in the boulder's way. I will let go of what is holding me back, and do my best to let go of my own boulder, which is STUFF. Getting ready for a flea market on Saturday! My post from January 1st said a lot of how I was going to approach this year. And, I am truly proud of myself. Because, once I found out the magnitude of the boulder that was rolling towards me. I ran to not only get away, but to put it behind me as fast as I could. It took tremendous will power to put aside a part of my life that was my everything at one time. The hardest part, right now, is still how it takes up most of my thoughts. So, in the morning I am trying to bring all the best parts of my life to light. With the morning sun, I feel the stregnth of new beginings. The sun will rise in twenty minutes and I can't wait to get out the door to witness it. I have never felt like that before in all my sixty two years of living. My path has changed, but I am on the road not taken. That Robert Frost poem was a vivid memory of grammar school. I remember the amount of time we gave to how decisions to go down one path or another was a big deal. But, I never thought I would be able to have a choice to go down another road. So, onward and forward! I can't wait to see where this road takes me! Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Song of the Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMJFyaKSt8Q Road to Nowhere David Byrne